CLASSIC VERSION
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the upcoming winter. The grasshopper thinks he is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
MODERN VERSION
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the upcoming winter. The grasshopper thinks he is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN and FOX show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to video of the ant in his comfortable, warm home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that in a country of such wealth, this poor little grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Then a representative of the NAAGB (National Association of Green Bugs) shows up on 60 Minutes and charges the ant with “green bias”, and makes the case the grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of greenism.
Kermit the Frog appears on Hardball with Chris Mathews with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing “It’s Not Easy Being Green.”
Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on CNN with Larry King announcing they will do everything they can for the grasshopper. B. Hussein Obama appears on Oprah and proclaims the grasshopper has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the Reagan summers, or as liberals refer to it: “The Temperature of the 80’s.”
Nancy Pelosi exclaims in an interview on Meet the Press with Tim Russert, that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper. She claims the ant has been a winner of life’s lottery and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay for his share–retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
Finally the EEOC drafts the “Economic Equity and Ant-Greenism Act.” The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs. Having nothing left to pay because of his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant. The case is tried before a panel of federal judges Bill appointed during his term from a list of single parent welfare moms who can only hear cases on Thursday’s, between 1:30 and 3pm, when there are no talk shows scheduled. The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food. The government house he is in—which happens to be the ant’s old house—crumbles around him because he doesn’t know how to maintain it.
The ant disappears into the snow. On the TV–which the grasshopper bought by selling most of the ants food—they are showing Bill Clinton standing before a wildly applauding group of Democrats announcing that a new era of “fairness” has dawned in America.
